If you’ve ever felt like you’re failing because your version of motherhood doesn’t look like everyone else’s, this one’s for you. So much of modern parenting feels like a performance—nailing the bedtime routine, crafting organic meals, showing up with a smile when you’re running on three hours of sleep. But here’s the truth I wish more of us shared: you’re allowed to make your own rules as a mum. Rules that suit your energy, your child, your reality. Because following someone else’s path can leave you burnt out—and a little lost in your own life. Let’s gently rewrite that.

Why Making Your Own Rules Can Save Your Sanity

I used to think there was a right way to do things: sleep schedules, feeding routines, developmental milestones. As an early childhood educator, I knew the research. But as a mum? I quickly learned that even the “textbook” strategies didn’t always work when emotions were high, sleep was low, and my toddler refused to wear pants—again. That feeling of not measuring up? It took time to work through. I had to rebuild my confidence as a mama and stop holding myself to an impossible standard. I had to give myself grace and start responding to my child and myself, not the idea of what parenting should look like. This shift came when I stopped trying to fit into someone else’s mould—and began to make my own rules as a mum.

Step 1 | Start With Your Why

Every new season of motherhood seems to come with pressure: to do more, be more, keep up. But before you jump into a new routine, ask yourself: why does this matter to me? This isn’t just a wellness exercise. It’s a strategy we use in the early years, too—when we want a child to engage in something, we first connect it to what they value or are curious about. So what’s your why? Maybe it’s to feel less overstimulated. Maybe it’s to reclaim a sense of identity. Whatever it is, let that guide you—not the expectations of others—because this is your chance to make your own rules as a mum, from the inside out. For me, it’s always been about energy. I want to be more present, less reactive. That’s why I’ve learned to prioritise things that help me reset—and if you need a little reset too, this is how I press pause after a loud day.

Step 2 | Define What Actually Works for You

Here’s where it gets real: you can’t live by someone else’s rules if your life doesn’t match theirs. That influencer who wakes at 5am to journal and do yoga? Amazing. But if your toddler wakes at 4:57 demanding weetbix and to play together? It’s okay to admit that doesn’t work for you. As educators, we talk about “the environment as the third teacher”—meaning, we shape learning by shaping the space. The same applies at home. If your mornings feel rushed and chaotic, maybe the answer isn’t waking up earlier. Maybe it’s adjusting your rhythm. When I gave myself permission to slow down instead of “rise and grind,” everything shifted. That’s why I now create routines that support our family’s energy—focusing on rhythms that feel nourishing, sustainable, and aligned with the season we’re in.

Step 3 | Plan for Your Actual, Everyday Life

It’s easy to make plans based on the version of yourself who’s had a full night’s sleep, isn’t hormonal, and has no dirty dishes. But the real you? She’s balancing a million things—work, emotions, that third cup of cold tea. Instead of setting expectations I couldn’t meet, I started building tiny anchors into my day. Things I could do even when the chaos hit—like lighting a candle at dinner or prepping lunch the night before. These small moves gave me a sense of rhythm and choice. As a teacher, I’ve seen how young children thrive when they know what’s coming next—even something as small as a predictable transition helps them feel secure. It’s no different for us mamas. When our days feel unpredictable, even one simple routine can ground us in the noise. I had to motivate myself in a whole new way, using softer, more sustainable habits that reflect our real life—not an idealised one.

Step 4 | Let Go of Perfection (Even If It’s Your Default Mode)

I used to believe that being a “good mum” meant getting everything right. Perfect meals, no screen time, a tidy home, emotionally attuned responses 24/7. But all that perfectionism did was make me anxious—and resentful. Eventually, I began to soften my grip. To choose presence over pressure. I had to stop comparing myself to other mums and come back to what worked for me. The real me. Not the version that exists only in my head. As a teacher, I’ve seen firsthand how children don’t need perfect—they need connection. The most powerful moments in the classroom often come from the messy, unplanned ones—when we slow down, meet the child where they are, and respond with curiosity instead of control. That’s what I started offering myself, too: responsiveness, not rigidity. That choice to embrace “good enough” didn’t mean I was settling. It meant I was choosing to thrive—not burn out.

Step 5 | Tune Out the Noise (Including That Inner Critic)

Motherhood can feel noisy. Everyone has opinions. From how you feed your baby to how you discipline your child—it’s a chorus of shoulds. But none of them are living your life. I’ve learned to treat those opinions like background static. Notice them, but don’t let them dictate your choices. Instead, I check in with what I actually need right now—and give myself full permission to protect it. If that inner critic is still hanging around? Revisiting how motherhood has changed my goals (for the better) helped me see how much I’ve grown—and reminded me that soft goals, quiet ambition, and being intentional are worth just as much.

Watch Out for the Self-Sabotage Trap

Here’s the tricky bit. When you start to make your own rules as a mum, you might swing too far into flexibility—and end up self-sabotaging. That’s not failure, it’s feedback. The goal isn’t to escape discomfort. It’s to create a framework that still gets you where you want to go, even when the day goes sideways. Like in the classroom, we don’t just let kids roam—we set boundaries that help them succeed. Your personal rules should do the same for you. When I felt myself getting lost again, I started asking: Am I honouring my values or just avoiding the hard bits? That reflection became the start of a gentle journey back to finding inspiration again, in real, practical ways.

Let’s Wrap With This

You don’t need a colour-coded planner or a perfect pantry to be a good mum. You just need to show up as you are—messy, growing, trying. That’s enough. When you choose to make your own rules as a mum, you reclaim your voice. You become the calm in your child’s chaos. You build a motherhood that feels like home—not a performance.

If today’s post helped you take a deep breath, that’s your sign—you’re doing enough. And if you want more little sips of encouragement, real-life resets, and tiny wins worth celebrating, come join the TEA-m. My newsletter is like a warm cuppa delivered weekly—real talk, tiny shifts, and reminders you’re not alone in this.

Motherhood doesn’t need more perfection—it needs more presence. Make your own rules, honour your rhythm, and choose what truly supports the you you’re becoming.

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